I'm Off My Beaten Track in Egypt ...

... and sailing on my blog today.  Come and join me as I introduce some of my fellow travellers to you and a new arrival comes aboard ...

SAILING AND A STOWAWAY

I've always been aware that when you have a random group of people together in one place, the majority are happy to go with the flow.  But there's always one who stands out from the others for whatever reason.  It's the same with a bunch of actors.  As a director, you select your cast, you get everyone together to begin rehearsals, and very quickly, the 'difficult one' makes him/herself known.  After nine days on board ship, I've realised that the same principle works for travellers, too!

On sailing days, we have tea at five, and yesterday, some of the cracks in our little community were beginning to show.  It is now quite clear that G— has been gradually and consistently shunned by about a third of my fellow travellers.  B— isn't doing so well in the popularity stakes either, but then she does smoke like a chimney and talks at 275 decibels.  Considering some of the comments she comes out with, I think she must be Uriah Heep's only living relative.  And then there's I— I'm-in-Civil-Engineering-you-know and his South American Queen D— who are fast becoming the ship's snobs.  At tea, it was quite clear that A— of Cumbria, a great tower of a man, had completely reached the end of his tether with I— and his wife D—.

Earlier today, I overheard some of our fellow travellers manoeuvring against some of the above-mentioned.  J— made representations to M— about G—.  J—'s case being that she had been singled out by G— and that he was deliberately sitting at her table in order to annoy her.

'I'm determined to have G—Free meals from today and onwards,' J announced to M— as they meandered along the deck in front of me.  J— and M— agreed that they would sit at a table together hence forward.

Their plan set, and I couldn't wait for lunch to see how well it was implemented.  Later, in the dining room, J— and her husband ensconced themselves at a table for five the moment the dinner gong rang.  She also carefully leaned the back of one of the chairs up against the table to indicate only four places were available.  Shortly afterwards, M— and her husband came into the dining room.

'May we join you?' M— asked politely, knowing full well that it was a foregone conclusion.  Then there was a considerable kerfuffle as the four of them realised that the fifth chair was very accessible to anyone who came to the table, including G—.  Like a game of musical chairs, they all swapped seats so that the fifth chair was in the most inaccessible spot!

I glanced around the room.  Still no G—.   I wondered if he was going to skip lunch today.

Then B—, cigarette in hand, came into the dining room, completely ignored J—'s beckonings, went straight to the immediately adjacent table and promptly sat down.  Next came the affronted mumblings and murmurings between the two tables.  B— drilled her cancer stick into extinction in her portable ashtray and announced at 562 decibels that she 'was staying put'.  And still, there was no G—.

By which time, I was having great difficulty keeping my giggles under control. Everyone seemed to have missed the point. If you do not want to sit with G— you arrange with another couple to sit at a table for four and only four!

I spent the rest of the afternoon reading alone.  Dinner was uneventful and the evening was spent watching Lawrence of Arabia and wondering about the new passenger that we had acquired. He or she was very shy and, in actual fact only K—, a banker from somewhere in the city, and myself were aware that we had a stowaway.

I was happily watching the film when a movement on my left caught my eye.  And there was the new passenger.  A creature of about 8 or 9 inches long with a larger than-normal number of legs, around twenty or so at a guess.  The brown thing - BT for short - took a casual stroll past the bar, stopped to look in for a second or two and then continued with their evening promenade.  K— and I exchanged puzzled looks.

The film continued and, as Lawrence was about to be shunned by the British Government, BT returned from their stroll, cast a sideways glance at the telly, waved both antenna at it and then disappeared into their hiding place behind a large potted plant.

You just never know who you might bump into, do you?

There will be more from my Egypt Journal over the coming weeks.