Saturday, 30 December 2017

Diary of a Provincial Jack Russell

Diarist, Author and mischief-maker,
Judy Good-Dog
December 28th :  I am strutting down my Old Retainer's drive keeping a leery eye open for the appearance of that smelly hound next door when Rosie and her owner pass by.  Untruthfully, I wag my tail in greeting at her, but it is only the doggy treat that I know her owner has in her pocket that interests me.  However, I can only get to wag number three before I am dragged by my Old Retainer (OR) down the street for my walk at a pace that was unbecoming and certainly far in excess of any speed that my OR can reasonably expect to maintain without the severe possibility of apoplexy on his part.
(Query : will Chippie, the hound next door, be available for his putting in his place this afternoon I wonder?)
(Note to Self : investigate all that stuff in OR's spare room because I suspect that he and his Trainee are up to something and my time here may be cut short.)

December 29th :  I was right!  After my walk yesterday I was bundled into my basket, put in the travel cage and thence into the car.  It was a long journey and I had to amuse myself with the shape of the passing clouds, the appalling colour scheme of a car we passed and the prospect of new adventures.
(Memo : must instruct OR on the need to consider every blade of grass during the course of an adventure.)
We are now here at the holiday cottage.  Good!  At least I’ll have another opportunity to sort out that Black Labrador across the road.  The Trainee Retainer keeps on complaining that the place is cold.  I could not agree more and I decide to settle into my basket with my duvet.

December 30th :  Leisurely morning reading the Daily Telegraph.  A stroll down to the sea front and back, followed by a late morning snooze which is rudely interrupted by the arrival of Lord and Lady H.  Nevertheless, I make them especially welcome, but get nothing for my pains. 
Port Mulgrave
(Note to self : must remind OR to instruct his visitors to have doggy treats with them at all times.)
Lord and Lady H stay for lunch.  Then more travelling - but to the shops this time.  Of course I am left unceremoniously in the car park.  What a relief that Rosie, Chippie, Meg, Soda, Gem, Anna and that flea-ridden piece of mange at the bottom of the street at home are not able to witness my abandonment.  However, I rise above my deplorable situation by feigning guard duty.  My dignity is saved, eventually, by the return of my OR and we are off again, travelling.  Back at the cottage I stretch out on the best rug in the best room and watch my OR and his Trainee dashing in and out.  I also find, to my surprise and without any prior consultation, that Lord and Lady H are staying for the duration - so that's two more waifs to guard for goodness knows how long. 
(Memo : have overheard a conversation between Lord H and OR about putting a Kitty together.  Must find the cat. Even more intriguing, must determine how they managed to break the animal in the first place!)
Evening spent by the fire as the four waifs went out, presumably to eat as there was no kitchen activity and therefore no tasty titbits in my dog-bowl.  I do wish the OR would keep me informed about such changes in routine - how can I possibly be expected to maintain my diet and figure otherwise.

 December 31st :  Stroll into town today.  Regrettably there were no other canines that needed to be informed of my status.  Equally regrettable, there were no other canines to impress with my sleek coat, lithe figure, beautifully shaped patches and matching collar!  But there was more conversation about this dratted Kitty. 
(Further note to self : undertake a more thorough search of the property and devise a trap for the cat.)
A lot of frenzied activity in the kitchen this afternoon with Lady H and the Trainee rushing
Oneself, beating a hasty retreat
about.  Also a lot of talk about a large porker.  First a cat to find and now a pig!  I decide that discretion is the better part of valour and retreat to the fireside.
The waifs are busy eating in the dining room so I have been able to conduct a thorough and detailed search of the cottage.  Have not been able to find the cat.  Also, have noticed that there are no feeding bowls for the cat and have come to the conclusion that the cat must have been put back together again and shown the door.  Still not able to locate the pig.  Have a theory that I should be able to find it soon as it will need to use the lavatory - so am mounting a constant guard outside the bathroom door.  It really is a dog's life!

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